The Longing

Death isn’t hard or frightening. Instead death is pleasant, simple and easy. Life however is complicated, frightening and enduring. But an endless longing rested within me for just that; a desperate wish for life. But I would never walk across an elegant stage in a long gown and cap, I would never run along the beautiful sandy beaches of a tropical island nor would I ever live to fall into the beautiful dream of love.

Instead my body rested upon an uncomfortable bed. Day after day I stared at the fading pea green paint that covered the walls while dozens of tubes where painfully inserted into my feeble flesh. The window sill lay decorated with gorgeous flowers intricately arranged. The gestures of love touched me, but I was only reminded of all the beautiful treasures that I would severely miss. Caring family and friends constantly visited me, giving me pleasurable moments. Yet they always left with tears glistening in their eyes though they tried in vain to never show their pain. But never would they see the immensity of my aching hurt.

Tears will never seep out from these eyes, at least not in front of anyone. Never have my hearts weeping scars been seen. Some say for that I am strong. But that’s a lie. I suffer alone. When the lights become dim and the stars dance in the evening sky my heart begins to cry, longing to leisurely drift away into the skies eternal realms, except this wouldn’t be. Death would suffocate my soul and massacre every dream and desire of my heart.

My gaze drifted towards the window. Beyond the transparent glass lay a darkened sky like a demons mind. Yet a lone star glistened with boldness and intense radiance. It seemed to whisper comforting peace into my soul yet a sincere longing stirred within my body. Transfixed by its beauty I gently whispered, “star light, star bright...” My quivering voice quietly echoed against the walls of this hellish realm with weak hope. “The first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. I wish for...” I drew in a deep breath as a stagger before finishing my desperate plea. “I wish for life tonight”. A single tear escapes, falling gently onto my chest, resting above my heart. My gaze still locked upon the brilliant star glimmering with tears of pure gold for one last moment before I softly close my eyelids.